gratitude is only worth it when you get it for free.
June 30, 2007
in an attempt to make this blog better, i am going to stop saying SO at the start of every fucking entry. oh, and i’m also going to stop swearing… as much.
today was sort of interesting, though the day is only half over. i woke up around 4 a.m, and kept falling asleep and waking up. then at around 7, i got a text from hen since i was supposed to call her before she started getting ready. henrietta is at a wedding today! how nice. but yes we talked for literally 5 minutes then i went back to sleep.
waking up around 10, i finally got round to washing my hair. i have a habit of just not being arsed to wash it. so it gets really greasy. but yes, it is now washed, conditioned and straightened. made an effort today. speaking of hair, i also booked an appointment for the hairdressers. lovely.
got my fucking vans today like. yes, those lovely black and white checkered vans are now mine. cost £32.99. luckily, i didn’t pay for it. i’m saving for this bloody birmingham trip.
anyone know how to play bridge? my grandma and uncle were playing it today, it seems so confusing. there a funny lot my family. they’re very competitive and outspoken. they were playing so seriously for like 10p a win. my uncle david left with 20p and my grandma was not happy. i dunno, maybe its the fact that she lost to him or whatever i don’t know. but they’re funny.
okay, so by trying to make this blog better i made it worse. bollocks.
oh, the answer to my tagged quiz was indeed the hole in my heart story. well done you lot.
and when i get the time, i’m going to teach you lot some good ol’ english slang. i was teaching leindiemeister some, and i’ve forgotten lots, so i’m going to do a nice big post here eventually, watch out for it!
oh, and i’ve been sat here clicking “next” for nearly half an hour. and i’ve come to the conclusion that about 75% blogs on wordpress.com are either complete shite, of interest to about 3 people or are so personal they’re practically private. i think this blog is in this 75%. i was getting alot of blogs about health which is good, but some of them were just crap. i mean, a good health blog would give lots of help and useful recipes and provide support and stuff. these were “EAT HEALTHY.” “HEY FATTY, EAT A CARROT.” etc. utter shite.
i hope that throughout this blog i have entertained at least one person. that would make my day.
the common denominator is fire.
June 22, 2007
ok, so markalan has tagged me. at first i wasn’t sure, but after reading his post, i figured i had to make 9 statements about myself, one of which is not true. try and guess which one!
ok, here in england we have key stages when going through school. at the end of each key stage you do an exam called SATs. now, at the end of key stage one, i was entered for my key stage 2 exam. 4 years ahead. i was the only one my teacher had ever entered for it. she had to bully the headteacher to let me do it.
i love the rain. it soothes me. you know, just sitting inside and hearing the rain on the outside, knowing some poor cunt is out there getting soaked, and you’re lovely and warm on the inside listening to sigur ros. which is perfect to go with rain.
i hate my mother. lots. i actually can’t stand the woman and anything she does annoys me. i don’t care that you know, she GAVE BIRTH to me or whatever, she’s a terrible mother and i just can’t wait to get away from her.
music! i adore music and will listen to anything from heavy metal to hip hop. my all time favourite genre is indie however, and i love it alot. i’ve been to lots of gigs and discover new bands daily (well, when i’m on the internet), and i love it.
i was once on a life support machine because i had a hole in my heart.
i’m secretly a major geek. i love anime and manga, i have collected magic the gathering trading cards, i’ve played d+d, i know how to code in several coding languages, i play computer games every day and have grew up with them, i’m on a course to create computer games for christ sake. well, not so much a secret really, haha.
i actually can’t stand myself for how i treat people and how i act around people. i can be a true monster, i really can. just awful. and i get upset about stupid things and i just can’ t get over the past. i also have a real problem with trust and jealousy.
me? i’m a complete coward. i’m scared of heights, spiders, insects, deep water, the dark and too much more. always have been. i’m definitely not a fighter.
i used to be able to play keyboard at a grade 4 standard. completely forgotten it now since i was in… year 10? so maybe 2-3 years ago.
so which one was the lie? well, take your guess.
this will employ you.
June 13, 2007
i feel really down at the moment. so i guess i’ll take this opportunity to do what every other 17 year old with a blog does, and complain about life. quite frankly, i feel depressed. i’m worn out, i’m stressed, i just can’t focus anymore. i am constantly unmotivated and i ache and everything else. i’m constantly being hounded by the fact that i will probably fail college. that and being so far from henrietta, not being able to talk to her when i want and constantly having to fork out money to put on my phone just to talk to her for 50 minutes. all my money goes on talking to henrietta. i mean, it’s not that i don’t enjoy it, i love talking to her, but it just leaves me with nothing. i’d like to save up, buy myself things and everything else, but how can i? on top of that, i just feel uncared for, unloved. like everyone hates me. i feel ugly. really.
me and henrietta had a bit of a row last night. she has problems, and i listened to her, and tried to help her out. though i was in a mood and cranky since i’d just been woken up. that and i was absolutely shitting myself because of today. when my work is due in. so sorry for not being so supportive. i hope everything went ok with her day. i got quite angry, but i’m not entirely sure why. i think it was the fact that she was getting really upset over something so silly, but i forget about all the issues and problems she has. i’m an awful person, aren’t i? yeah, i quite hate myself right now.
sorry i can’t be the best person in the world. sorry i can’t be perfect. or amazing. i feel like i should be sorry.
about this work, well, we finished off our video in multimedia, so that’s done. still got 3D modelling to finish, and there’s no signs of it ending soon, so that’s what i’m incredibly worried about. sorry for being depressed or something.
fuck sake. and rod has hiccups. exciting.
shout out to tian, who turned 18 yesterday.
grotesque, copious profanity, and why putting a cuckoo in your clock will not help you get a job.
June 7, 2007
today i got a hate article about me! well, not so much hate as DO NOT FUCKING POST IN MY BLOG YOU CUNT.
Link: http://ahseow.wordpress.com/2007/06/07/i-repeat/
personally, i think this guys reaction is hilarious. he posted a joke which i thought was quite funny, so i posted a comment saying so. then i get this. i just love the vain attempts at insulting me as well. YOUR EMAIL IS GROSS. I AM NOT INTERESTED IF YOU ARE HOMO etc. sure, i respect if he doesn’t want me to comment his blog or whatever (that was the only time i’d look at the blog anyway), but way to build a fucking tower to touch the sky.
i won’t be able to phone hen tonight, that pisses me off.
college is nearly over! i’ve nearly finished all my work, and i can’t fucking wait. i’m sat here listening to an old love of mine (in the back seat – the arcade fire) and i can’t wait to be back in birmingham. this summer will be so hectic. i have a britmeet to go to (lots of online friends are meeting in london to play games and drink lots and have a barbeque) as well as a two week long party which will absolutely kill me. hen is coming down for a week and i hope to go there for a few days too. i need a fucking job and money fast. but first i need my internet back. and i am still ill.
congrats on this blog getting over 3,000 views! i feel so special.
all hate posts welcomed. be sure to link to my blog, put my name and email, make snide comments about me and don’t forget to tell me where to go!
also i am going to do a shoutout to a different person each post. today’s shout out goes to henrietta.
i am in a semi colon mood.
so i haven’t been blogging much recently, not that many care but the reason is because i’ve been having lots of FAMILY TIME. spending lots of time with the family. not my mother, god. i can’t stand her. my aunties and stuff. it was fun, involved quite a bit of drinking, too much eating, and fun. i feel so very fat it’s unbelievable. i’m going to weigh myself tonight, and i expect i weigh at least 10 stone now. before i was at a nice 9 stone. bastard cream cakes. if it’s bad i’m going to strive to lose weight, any idea how?
yesterday night i got quite drunk. it was grandad’s birthday (71) and we were drinking lots of moscow mules (part vodka, part some weird other strong alcohol, part ginger ale) and beer throughout the night, and eating party food.
right now i’m sat here feeling quite ill and i haven’t got much to say. oh, henrietta started a blog, it’s in my blogroll somewhere, can’t be bothered directly linking.
how about that global warming eh? feels like it, it’s been so hot. there’s also been reports of the “fake widow” spider in britain, and reports of bites and stuff. since i am petrified of them, this is not good news. i’m just praying that the camel spider doesn’t migrate over here. i would probably move out of the country if that was ever to happen. the camel spider is currently on my top list of things i want to die. check this out.
this gives me nightmares. jesus christ. on the topic of spiders, check these out. they’re horrifying.
the cobalt blue spider. if all spiders were like this, then we could see them easier. then we could KILL THEM.
the goliath bird eater. scary as fuck.
huntsman spider, or clock spider. incredibly horrid legs. so with all these spiders, here’s the one i’m the most afraid of.
that’s right, the common house spider. fucking hell.
kudos to james for showing me these spiders, the scary twat.
